A Tribute to My Father-in-Law - Laetitia van Schalkwyk

On Friday, 27 March 2026, we received one of those phone calls you never want to get: my father-in-law had passed away.

As I sit with the quietness of his loss, my mind travels back forty years to where it all began. My first memories of him date back to 1986. Stephanus and I were still in matric—young, innocent, and at the very beginning of a long journey. Even then, though I didn’t see him often during the day, because he was a Pastor of the AFM Church and a fulltime lecturer,  he carried a presence that commanded immediate respect.

The Car, the Camera, and a Lesson in Composure

He was the one who drove Stephanus back and forth between our houses, and I will always be grateful for that effort; he kept our young friendship alive.

One of my most vivid memories involves our matric farewell. Because I had my driver’s license and Stephanus only had his learner’s, his father entrusted us with his car. It was a big responsibility for two teenagers, and naturally, things didn’t go quite as planned.

To fully appreciate the humour in what happened next, you need to know the background: Stephanus had borrowed a camera from his sister, Emsie. She had given him a stern “sermon” about taking care of it, warning of grave consequences should anything happen to it.

On the way home, being the perfect gentleman he still is today, Stephanus opened the door for me, and I placed the precious camera on the dashboard. As we turned a corner, the camera began to slide. With Emsie’s warnings ringing in his ears, Stephanus lunged to catch it, letting go of the steering wheel. By the grace of God, we missed the lamp post—but we hit the paving hard.

The car was still drivable, but the bumper made a terrible noise. Once we arrived at my house, Stephanus finally called his dad to come and fetch him. His father did not lose his temper. He remained calm, left the car there for the night, and simply returned the next day to assess the damage in the daylight. That was the man he was: steady, even in a crisis.

“Ek kry nog ’n dogter” (I gain another daughter)

Life took us on a long journey, and it was only 34 years later, in 2020, that Stephanus finally “woke up” and asked me to marry him. I was living in Mossel Bay at the time, and my father-in-law’s reaction was a simple WhatsApp message that has stayed with me:

“Ek is so bly ek kry nog ‘n dogter. Baie geluk.” (I am so happy to gain another daughter. Congratulations.)

He didn't just welcome me, he gave me an immediate sense of belonging. Whenever we visited him in Pretoria, I - being an introvert - would often sit quietly while father and son caught up. I didn't need to say much; I was content simply being in his presence, enjoying his calm energy. 

By Easter 2025, we were privileged to have him visit us in Klerksdorp. He was the perfect guest—never complaining, always content. In fact, I don’t think I ever heard him complain about anything in all the years I knew him.

A Quiet Encouragement

I often told Stephanus that his dad was one of the greatest sources of encouragement in my life. Even in his old age, he inspired me—not only through his words, but through the way he lived. He was a living example of speaking life and never giving up. Even at eighty eight years old he still had the desire for yet another mission trip to India. 

During that last visit, while he and I were sitting alone in the living room, he looked at me for a while, then smiled and said: “Wie het nou ooit gedink dat Fanie eendag gaan trou. Ek is so bly vir hom.” (Who would have thought that one day Fanie would be married. I am so happy for him.)

Whenever he spoke to me, it was with such kindness, always calling me “my kind.” (my child)

A Final Thank You

I am grateful to God for the privilege of knowing such a remarkable man. When I think of him, it will always be with deep admiration. If I could say one last thing to him, it would be this:

Thank you, Dad. Thank you for inspiring me, for loving us, and for praying for Stephanus and me. Thank you for listening so attentively and without judgment. But most of all, thank you for accepting me as family.

In Closing

They say that some people make the world better simply by being in it. My father-in-law was one of those people. He didn’t need to be the loudest person in the room to have the greatest impact; his strength was in his stillness, and his kindness in his consistency.

Though he is no longer physically present with us, the calm energy he brought into our lives remains. He taught me that family is not only about the blood you share, but about the grace with which you open your heart to others. His words of life will echo in our hearts forever.

- Laetitia van Schalkwyk