Our Love Story - His & Her Version - Laetitia Zeeman & Stephanus van Schalkwyk

 

HER VERSION written by Laetitia Zeeman

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about Stephanus, is “RESPECT”.

I met Stephanus in 1985.  I was the new kid in school and Stephanus was on the student council. We ended up sitting next to each other in the Bible Studies class.  I remember us swopping seats at some stage because me being left-handed made him bump into my arm the whole time while writing.  That led to ending up together during school brakes.  We were just two loners ending up together, sitting on a small wall next to the headmaster’s office where Stephanus was doing his student council supervision. Not only did he accompany me to our matric dance in 1986 but if it were not for Stephanus, I would not have passed matric.  Stephanus spent hours of his time, in my matric year, to find ways to help me study and memorize information.  He is still a great teacher.  He also made numerous mugs of coffee to keep me awake while studying.

One of the many things I have always loved and valued about Stephanus is that not only can we have great, deep conversations but we could also just sit silently next to each other, not saying a single word and afterwards it feels like it was the best conversation EVER.  We communicate without words.

Growing up in a strict, but loving home, I was only allowed to visit friends during weekends but because my mother trusted Stephanus and maybe saw him as my last hope to pass matric, I could go to his house in the afternoons after school.

He was the first one I trusted enough to share that I have been in an abusive relationship when I was in grade 11, and not once did he judge me.  He was my best friend in matric and I always confided in him.  He worked an entire school holiday at a CNA bookstore, to buy me the largest brown stuffed teddy bear I have ever seen in my life.

In 2019 I invited him to minister at a Women’s Conference in Mossel Bay and it was then when he asked me: “Why do you cover your eyes with your hands every time I talk to you?”  I replied: “Because I like to time travel.  When I close my eyes and hear your voice, I travel back to 1986.  I see myself standing in my parent’s house, I see our living room furniture and I see you as a teenage boy standing in front of me; and I feel safe.  Life was so uncomplicated back then.  We had such a beautiful, innocent relationship." He hugged me, held my hand, and played with my ponytail.

After our matric year Stephanus got on a train and left to serve his country in the South African Defence Force, and simply did not reply to any letters I wrote anymore. We lost contact.

I saw Stephanus again in 1995 when my eldest son was a toddler, and my younger son was still a baby.  We invited Stephanus for supper. I still had that teddy bear and my son fetched it from his room and brought it to Stephanus, not knowing it was Stephanus who bought the teddy back in 1986. Again, we lost contact.

I saw Stephanus again in 2009, four years after my divorce when he had supper with me and my sons. Stephanus never married. He invited me to visit Spirit Word Ministries in Stilfontein in what turned out to be a life changing experience.  He took me to Prophet Kobus and Annelize van Rensburg’s house where I met several other pastors as well and I will never forget the anointing in that house.   When he asked me why I was so quiet I said my English vocabulary was limited and I had already used all the English words I knew.  I kept on visiting Spirit Word Ministries even after Stephanus and I again lost contact in 2011.

Women’s retreats (camps) and Women’s breakfasts were born out of a passion which God planted in my heart for broken hearted women.  In 2009, once again Stephanus sat with me, and helped me to give birth to the dream in my heart.  In 2010 Stephanus and his mother Anne assisted me with my first Women’s Retreat.  While praying, preparing for the first camp, God told me to present the camp in English.  He did not call me for Afrikaans speaking people only but for all nations.  It was quite a challenge.  When I started the welcoming, I stood with a black wig and sunglasses and said: “When praying for this camp, God told me to present this camp in English. My response was: I will be obedient Lord, but I will disguise myself and on Monday, after having made a complete fool out of myself, I will change my name”.

To my surprise and delight this served as an amazing “ice breaker” for the weekend.

Many things changed over the years.  One thing however never changed since 1986:  When we washed the dishes, again we argued about who was going to dry and who would wash.  For a moment we froze, looked at each other, because it felt like déjà vu (a French expression that means "already seen”). Stephanus said: “No.  This can’t be”.  We laughed.  It was extremely funny and again Stephanus won the battle.  He washed and I had to dry the dishes.

When Stephanus planted a church in Sandton in 2010, I served at his church, he was my pastor and yet again Stephanus was teaching me.

One day I was receiving and welcoming people at the door when he approached me and said: “Walk with me”.  I think he might have overheard me giving directions to people on how to get to the venue and was concerned about them getting lost.  I followed Stephanus not knowing where he was leading.  He walked with me, taking me up the escalator saying: “This is an escalator.  When you use the escalator, you are escalating to another level”.  He then walked with me, still following, into the elevator and said: “When you are using the elevator, you are elevating to another floor”.  It was very impressive; Stephanus still remembering I needed a picture, something visual, to learn and memorize.  When we exited the elevator, I smiled and teased him saying: “And an alligator?”  He answered: “Fortunately there are no alligators in the hotel or mall but if you ever do see one, you have to run”.  I never got confused between an elevator and escalator again.

We lost contact again in 2011.  It is funny though; every time we do have contact it is like time was no more.  All those years not having any contact simply disappeared and he was just my “like-minded” friend again.

End 2017 I was laying, crying at the foot of a cross in a church when God reminded me about the way Stephanus treated me in 1986.  He said: “Remember who you are.  Even Stephanus treated you better”. I will be forever grateful that God reminded me that I am worthy of so much more than what I was receiving at that stage.

Stephanus contacted me again in 2018.

I started listening to Stephanus live on his radio programmes, “Issues of Life” and “Coffee4Two” on Life FM 100.6 in the Kosh Area and 98.1 in Potchefstroom.  Soon I received my Facebook Top fan batch on the Life FM Facebook Page, and I gave Stephanus feedback after his every single programme.  When I did not, he would phone.  I also ordered his Module A teaching from Light the Fire Ministries, his Bible school and he blessed me with Module B.

In 2019 I invited Stephanus to minister at a conference in Mossel Bay for Woman’s Day, 9 August 2019.

On August the 1^st 2019 I woke up at three in the morning.  I was caught up in the Spirit.   This is difficult to explain but my body was on my bed, while my spirit was on the beach with Jesus.  We were sitting on a dune.  He looked at me with so much love in His eyes.  I could put my hands on His cheeks, and although He was Spirit, I could still touch Him and felt His beard underneath my hands.

Jesus said: “I want to talk to you about next week and your future.  There’s something you need to know:  He is coming for you!”

The next moment something caught the corner of my eye and I saw Stephanus standing there; only two or three meters away.

I started crying: “Please don’t leave me Jesus.  I do not want to focus on a man ever again! I do not want a man ever again! I do not need a man!  Every single time there is a man in life, I am back on anti-depressants!  Men do not have a clue how to love me. All I want is You! Please do not leave me!  If I focus on a man, I might lose my ability to see You.  Please do not leave me!  All I ever wanted is this face-to-face relationship with You!”

Jesus answered: “I will never leave you.  But you need a body, and I don’t have a body”.

The next moment Jesus walked right into Stephanus and they became one, flashing between man (Stephanus) and Jesus”.

I cried and while pulling Jesus out of Stephanus yelled at Him: “No please!!! Do not do this to me! This is a mistake! I do not need a man in a body anymore.  I can see now.  All I ever wanted was You! Please do not go!  I do not want him (a man).  I want You and only You!”

I kept yelling, fighting with Jesus while constantly pulling Him out of Stephanus.

Jesus was not offended at all. Every single time He just smiled at me, with so much love in His eyes, and just walked straight back into Stephanus again.

The next moment my spirit was back in my body on my bed.  I was still crying, trying to go back to the beach, not wanting to be back in my bed because to me it felt like it was not the end of the conversation.  I still needed to convince Jesus that I did not need a man.

Jesus was on His knees, next to my bed, His hands on my body, while whispering: “Peace … just have peace. He is coming for you”.

I cried myself to sleep again.

When I shared my experience with Stephanus, I made myself quite clear, just so that there would not be any misunderstanding between us: “I am not going to Klerksdorp with you.  I don’t plan to EVER leave Mossel Bay again”.

Stephanus immediately assured me that he was not there for me nor had any plans to take me away to Klerksdorp.

On the 29^th of September 2019, I dreamed about a tap and on the lever was engraved “Stephanus”.

When I asked God about this, He said:

“As surely as the river of life is running through you, I will make this come to pass.  It is in your DNA.  It is on your scroll”.  

5 October 2019 - Stephanus accompanied me to my eldest son’s wedding in Pretoria.  Stephanus, still being the perfect gentleman he has always been, opened my car door for me, carried my shoes when my feet was hurting, put his jacket around my shoulders when I was cold and just “covered” and “protected” me.  He even prayed for me.

Ministering together at a Conference in

Centurion - February 2020.

During the Covid-19 lock down in 2020, I was completely alone and very cold in my 3^rd floor apartment in Reebok, Mossel Bay.  Doctors and nurses were called “hero’s” and “front line workers” and although I fully agreed, Stephanus felt like a hero and front-line worker to me as well.  He would phone every second or third evening, checking up on me if I were still coping.  He also added me to the women’s zoom meeting he was teaching on Thursday mornings.

4 April 2020, I was caught up in the Spirit; another vision, the same vision, with Jesus on the beach.  Jesus walked into Stephanus, while saying: “I want you to love Me through Stephanus. Love him as you love Me”.

9 April 2020, I was praying/engaging when I was caught up in the Spirit again; I was in the river of life.  I was given a scroll and as I rolled my scroll open, I saw written: “Stephanus”, and beneath his name, a big red heart appeared.

When I finally managed to get a permit to go to my youngest son’s wedding in June 2020, I had to drive with my car because the airports were still closed.

My first Sunday in Gauteng, I visited a church in Midrand, I have never been to before.  A young gentleman who recognized me from Facebook, introduced me to some people and then said something very strange:

“Did you know the road-block between Gauteng and Klerksdorp is open?”

I found it very strange, because he knew I was from Mossel Bay and at that stage the roadblock between Gauteng and Klerksdorp was not even open.

Next thing that happened was that an Evangelist I know sent me a WhatsApp telling me about a woman in Klerksdorp who was busy renovating a property, because God had told her to make it available for people in ministry to do retreats or conferences. This woman wanted to connect with people in ministry.

One week later, I lost a dear friend to cancer and it was at the celebration of her life where a young woman, sitting at my table, told me she was from Klerksdorp.

The fourth thing that happened, was that I had a dream, in which the Lord clearly showed me that I was in Klerksdorp.

September 2020, on my way back to Mossel Bay, I felt led by the Spirit to stay in Klerksdorp for a week.  An amazing woman made her house available for me to stay in.

One day prior to my departure from Pretoria, Stephanus phoned and invited me to be his guest on his twice weekly radio program coffee4Two on 100.6 Life FM, a local community radio station based in Klerksdorp.

  

           

On the afternoon of Friday, the 18^th of September 2020 I decided it wise to rather end my friendship with Stephanus.  For many years, I was always supporting him, serving at his church, listening live to his radio shows on Life FM, being an ear for him when he needed someone to confide in, always encouraging him.  I even prayed for him for God to send His best as a wife to Stephanus at some stage. I wanted more than just being a man’s best friend which Stephanus was clearly not prepared to give.  He even told me so.  I knew God will not open a new door until I closed this one.

“And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place.” -  Genesis 2:21

Nowhere in the Bible, do I read that God ever woke man.

 I know a man who slept for 20 years.  His name is Rip Van Winkle.

I also know a man who slept for 34 years.  His name is Stephanus.  Finally, he woke up.  😊

On Saturday, the 19^th of September 2020 one hour before my departure back to Reebok, all my dreams and visions finally connected, when to my complete surprise Stephanus made the startling declaration that he loved me, then wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. I had come home.

In the first week of November Stephanus flew to George for a short visit; and then on Thursday the 5^th of November 2020 he went down on one knee and proposed. My joy was full, my cup running over as he slipped the ring onto my finger. 

I am relocating to Klerksdorp to join my fiancée. I am going willingly; freely because I did not fall in love with him.  I walked into love with him, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way.

I have chosen him. 

I will choose him in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I will find him, and I will choose him and I will love him. I walked into love with a beautiful man.  His name is Stephanus.

So many things came into LIGHT in 2020.

When I look back, I can see how we have been robbed of so many things and time in the past.

Fortunately, I have really received the gift of creating a beautiful story by focusing/choosing to remember only the beauty in the story.

“Then Job answered the LORD and said, ‘I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2).  The Passion Translation.

“There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD”.

Proverbs 21:30. The Passion Translation.

I know this is not the end of our story, but only the beginning…

He asked and I said:  “Yes”.

14 August 2021 I am getting married to my best friend.

HIS VERSION written by Stephanus van Schalkwyk

Laetitia once told me that one of her sons struggled to make friends at school, and her advice to him was to find the child who was without a friend and be a friend to that one. And that is how we met. 

Back in 1985 when she transferred schools in the middle of grade eleven, she was the new girl who desired a friend and she picked me to be a friend to. I do not remember much of the detail, but I do remember that we clicked, and our friendship just worked. She was like a breath of fresh air in my life, being completely the opposite of me, bubbly, outgoing, not shy to speak her mind and of course never at a loss of words, never boring. 

Though we saw one another every day at school we spend hours talking on the phone. We never seemed to run out of things to say. I remember laying on my back on the floor in my Dad’ study with the handset glued to my ear, just talking and talking. Whenever one said goodbye the other would start another conversation and so it carried on, until one or both sets of parents intervened. I never asked but guess that she must have frequently been grilled by her parents about the duration of those phone calls. I became a frequent guest at her house, visiting until late at night. I just stayed and stayed… I was a night owl, and she was a morning person so most of those visits ended with her half-asleep laying on the couch with her head on a pillow in my lap, and me playing with her hair. Even in silence we seemed to communicate. I was her confidant and best friend. With her I could always just be me and it was ok. This is still the case…

Our friendship just continued to grow stronger and stronger and I knew that I was in love, the problem was that I never told her. I had a terribly negative self-image and being a loner, did not help much. I struggled to express emotion and avoided talking about my feelings like the plague. In my mind she was way too beautiful and exciting to ever be romantically interested in me, so I just never said anything. I was afraid that declaring my undying love to her would only spoil everything and be the death of our friendship. So, I just kept it in my heart. All these perceptions were re-enforced when I asked her to be my date to our matric farewell (or prom as the Americans would say) and she said no. 

In my mind it meant I was right all along, and I resigned myself to being just a friend, no more. We did go together in the end as she changed her mind and asked if I would still go with her, which of course I did, but it did not change my decision. Despite these feelings in my heart our relationship continued as uncomplicated as everything. 

Looking back, I realize that we have always been soulmates. We disagreed about many things, yet I cannot remember us ever arguing about anything. Then again, we had so many things in common, though being so different. Before the end of our matric year, I once tried to kiss her, but my timing was completely off, and she ended up giving me the cold-shoulder. Once we finished high school, I just walked out of her life, only to return about nine years later, again at her initiative.

Laetitia is one of those people who are exceptionally good with relationships.  Once she befriends you, she sticks to you. She cultivates and cherishes her friendships, so unlike me at that time of my life. In 1995 she tracked me down, phoned me and invited me to dinner with her family. I am not sure why I accepted, curiosity maybe or just a desire to see her. It was as if the nine previous years never existed, things were as easy and uncomplicated as ever. I enjoyed the visit, but we did not stay in contact. She was married and I had buried my feelings for her so deep, that it no longer mattered.

It was another 14 years before she once again reached out to me. This time, yes you guessed it, she found me on Facebook and sent me a message asking whether I was the boy who had accompanied her to the matric farewell (prom). It never entered my mind not to answer. In fact, I broke one of my rules by responding. 

I had a strict policy of not dating and keeping my distance from the female gender, focusing instead on my calling and ministry. Yet, for some strange reason, or maybe not strange at all, I answered her message and yet again we just picked up where we had left off. To me she was still the same Laetitia, best friend and soul mate and it was as if we were back in matric. Only we were not. She was divorced with 2 teenage sons and I was a 40-year-old bachelor in full-time ministry. 

Over the course of the next 2 years, she became part of my life again, but again I failed to define the relationship. I just denied my feelings for her and treated her like an old school friend in public, yet when we were together there was the unspoken question between us – ‘What exactly was the nature of our relationship?’ This time round our relationship was not as uncomplicated as before, as I publicly kept my distance, but privately there was this tangible bond. Yet again we parted ways, once again because of my choice.

In 2018, after another nine years I was the one who contacted her. She had just gone through a terrible time in her life, and when I read one of her posts on Facebook, I instinctively reached out, asking if she was ok. It was to be 2 more years though, before I finally did declare my love, kiss her, and came home. 

Looking back, I marvel about God’s grace for us, especially me. She was my first love and I guess my only true love. It is better than before. She is still my best friend, companion, soul mate and soon to be wife. I am grateful that I am not the same person I was back in 1986. 

This time when I finally made up my mind, I showered, got in my car, drove straight to where she was staying, walked inside with her, took her in my arms, told her that I did love her and kissed her. All of this with one hour to spare, before she left for Mossel Bay. It took me one long night to wrestle with my feelings, pre-conceived ideas, wrong perceptions, and all the reasons why it simply could not work. Thank God I arrived at the right conclusion, even if it was only at nine o’clock the morning of 19 September 2020.

We had no time to talk as she was to leave for Mossel Bay at 10:30. I told her that I intended to marry her and that as soon as I had a ring, I would fly to Mossel Bay, put a ring on her finger and then and only then she would come to Klerksdorp for us to be married and settle here. 

The longest WhatsApp chat list followed over the coming months, with many a, yes you guessed it, long phone calls. Finally, on the 5th of November I flew to Mossel Bay and officially asked her hand in marriage. As you all know she said yes and her father’s only response when I asked him; “Ek wag al 35 jaar vir jou om my hierdie vraag te vra.” “I have been waiting 35 years for you to ask me this question”. And that really sums it all up. 

All I can say is that I love her more than ever, and as well as I know her, as much of a mystery she is to me. Now I am looking forward to our life together, which has already begun, but will only truly take-off on the 14th of August 2021 when we will finally exchange vows and enter a new season of our lives as Mr. and Mrs. Stephanus and Laetitia van Schalkwyk.

Ours is truly a story of God’s infinite grace, of second and third chances, or is it four…