Heart Talk
Heart Talk
Abusive Relationships
“I didn’t even know that men can be such *#@*&*@*”.
It was then that I started
sobbing. I was on my knees, crying out
to God, saying: “Is this even possible
Lord? Does this woman even realize how
blessed she is? Not “knowing” and being in a Godly marriage.”
Fortunately, this did not happen
in a coffee shop and no, I wasn’t ease dropping. I was sitting in front of my television in my
own living room and the only reason I started sharing my story with “I was
listening” and not “I was watching”, is because I was really “listening”,
intensely.
Coming from a history of being in
abusive relationships with men, I could relate to this conversation between
them. My experience with men was so much
different than this woman that doesn’t know.
I wish I rather didn’t know. But unfortunately I know that men can be
abusive/cheaters ex.
Not All Men Are Bad
Before I go any further, please
hear me out. I know that not all men are
bad. After ministering the other day, my
youngest son gave a little bit of feed-back afterwards saying: “You have an amazing testimony. Just be careful. Remember, you are used to ministering to
ladies only and you don’t want men to feel uncomfortable when you share”. Having a teachable spirit, I also “listened”
and “learned”. I want to be a good
steward of the ministry God blessed me with as well.
I Am Done
At the age of 51, I have
completely lost the desire to get married again. Sadly, the marriages I look at and think it
will be a “nice to have” I can count on my one hand. Relationships with men completely
drained me. Men failed me. It is extremely hard work. I have no idea
what it is to be in a Godly marriage with a man. I have no experience at all. What men “showed” me, I don’t want, thank
you, but no thank you. Sometimes I look
at the beautiful relationships my sons have with the young women in their lives
and it really bless me because even though they did not grow up in a house
having an example, both of them have relationships with God and they are
Spirit led. Knowing Christ, and having a relationship with God, fulfill me,
completely. I just don’t have the energy
anymore and I wasted enough time on trying to make relationships work while I’ll
rather want to be busy with building God’s Kingdom. I have spent years on
getting restored after every broken relationship and I wasted enough time.
I Am Whole
Anyway, when God said: “It is not good for man to be alone”, He didn’t
say: “It is not good for man to be
single”. Therefore, you do not have to marry in order not to be alone – all you
need not to be alone is to have some other humans to be your companions and
close friends. Adam did not even know
that he needed a wife. God decided. If I
ever get married again, it will be for one reason and one reason only: When I am led by the Spirit to do so. I am not needy. I am whole.
I don’t need a man to complete me.
Restoration
January 10, 2018, I was on a
flight back to George (Western Cape, South Africa), when I clearly heard God
saying: “It is finished. No more.
You are getting out of this cycle now”. To me, 2018 was the most amazing year of my
entire life. Not only did God heal my
body, but I guess, you can say, He did a complete make-over inside me and
people do say that it shows on the outside as well. When God restores, He is doing an amazing
thing, nothing half-way, always completely.
A New Beginning
A year ago (2018) I was sitting on a
bench at Hartenbos beach (Western Cape, South Africa), when I said to God: “Here I am, completely burned out. Now I am one hundred present sure of it, that
I miss-understood You. I am not called
for ministry. I can’t do this
anymore. I don’t want to and I don’t
have the energy to go anywhere anymore.
So, if I am really called, for ministry, then You can send people to me,
but me going anywhere again? Never! I am done”.
God's Ministry, Not Mine
The next moment a young man put
his hand on my shoulder and asked me if I am o.k. and I look like I need some
company and asked me if he may sit with me for a while. That afternoon, we sat there for hours and at
the end of the day, not only did I lead him to the Lord, but I also helped him to
forgive his dad.
That is how my new ministry
started. Actually, God's ministry. Not mine. I am not striving anymore. I am not chasing ministry anymore. I "serve" from a place of "rest". I simply step into God’s
presence. Then He gives me visions,
sending me, showing me where to go. Then
I go and I wait and then God send people to me.
People come and ask to sit with me and I share the Love of God with
them. I reveal and manifest Christ to
them.
When I don’t receive anything from God to go, then I stay, then I wait and sometimes people even come and knock on my door.
Then I minister to them. Next
week I will be travelling to the South Coast, Kwazulu Natal, (South Africa). When I received the invitation to go minister at a Women’s Conference, I said I will go if God provide the money
to cover my travelling costs. So He did. I sowed the money I did have into other ministries and then super-naturally, money started flowing into my bank account.
I love the Word of God. Being a preacher of the Word of God, I am
100% aware of the fact that it is not about my story, but His story and what
Jesus did for us at the cross. Not only
giving us His life, but also leaving us His Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, our
Comforter, Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener and Standby.
The only reason I am sharing, is because I am led by the Spirit to share.
He said: “You have a testimony, but get out of your story and
into My Glory”.
I asked God to show me how and
then one morning, He woke me up at two 'o clock and I started writing. The words just kept on flowing from my
inner-being. It was like a river of life
flowing from me unto my lap top in front of me.
My typing fingers were just reacting from something deep inside me. It was not flowing from my mind but from my
spirit:
- I teach (through the Word of God), sharing revelation, how to get out of your cycles/patterns and into having a relationship with God and be led by the Holy Spirit.
- When I minister, I make use of “activations”*, teaching/leading others to engage into a realm where you can have a personal encounter with God.
- I am a son of God. So I do not minister to your soul, but your spirit.
- I don’t motivate, but inspire.
- I inspire listeners to make healthy choices concerning their souls and bodies. We need our bodies to bring heaven to earth and build God’s Kingdom here on earth as well (Matthew 6:6 & John 17).
·
Glory
I am part of a Women’s Hub in Mossel Bay (Western Cape, South Africa). We meet on a weekly basis and it was during one of our "activations"* when I had the following experience: While being in the Spirit, I saw myself standing at the Tree of Life. I was holding unto the tree bark. I actually pushed my face right into the Tree of Life but the tree bark did not hurt me at all. The next moment I was in the river and God gave me a huge copper key. I was still waiting on Him to show me what it is that I am going to unlock with that key, holding unto my precious gift when the next moment I was in the throne room and I was standing in front of Him, like a little girl. He had my head between His hands and He pushed His forehead against mine and said:
“I want you to look Me into the eye and listen to me. ‘I LOVE YOU’. Do you hear me? ‘I LOVE YOU’. ‘I LOVE YOU’, 'I LOVE YOU'”. I was sobbing. I am loved. I don’t need a man to feel loved anymore. I know who I AM. All GLORY to God!
* Explanation of the word "Activation" - An exercise that helps us engage God in a personal encounter within our spirits, hearts or in a heavenly realm.
Blessings
Laetitia Zeeman
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