Intimacy - Laetitia Zeeman

Introduction

Every now and then, Love will come like a flood and completely sweep me off my feet. It happens often; God’s love.  I might not even be much “God conscious” at that moment.  I might be busy, just carrying on with my everyday life.  Sometimes it will happen while standing in the shower.  When I am in the shower, I will simply put my hands on the tiled shower wall and enjoy His presence while the warm water is running down my back and whisper:  “I love You too.  Thank You for loving me in such an incredible way”.   

Sometimes it will happen when washing dishes.  But this morning I was simply brushing my teeth and again it came like a flood.  He swept me completely off my feet.  Oh how I love how He romance me.  It is always so unexpected.  He never waits for “the right time”.  God is not in time.  When I am in need of intimacy with Him, He never gives me a cold shoulder.  He is always ready, available and then He simply takes me into Him and I love how our hearts become one.  I was standing with my face over the sink, sobbing, my tears falling into the sink, my hands holding onto the sink, in a desperate attempt not to lose my balance because it is impossible to keep standing before such an incredible Love; a Love that simply takes your breath away.

It’s then that the groaning begins … for broken marriages.

Groaning

“And in a similar way, the Holy Spirit takes hold of us in our human frailty to empower us in our weakness.  For example, at times we don’t know how to pray, or know the best things to ask for.  But the Holy Spirit rises up within us to super-intercede on our behalf, pleading to God with emotional sighs too deep for words.  God, the researcher of the heart, knows fully our longings, yet he also understands the desires of the Spirit, because the Holy Spirit passionately pleads before God for us, his holy ones, in perfect harmony with God’s plan and our destiny”.  (Romans 8:26-27, TPT).  The NKJV speak about “groanings”.   

“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses.  For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning’s which cannot be uttered”.   (Luke 22:44, TPT).

Intimacy

It is when I discovered intimacy in Him, that I came to realization that I never ever had that. Not even in marriage.  “The world” doesn’t have a clue.  And that is the sad part and because I now know intimacy, I have such an incredible desire in my heart for each and every person to experience such a Love; such an intimacy that can only be found in Him.

It is impossible to give yourself to another in marriage if you have not tasted Him yet, absolutely impossible.  I now truly believe, that intimacy with a man, who have been with God and seen Him, face-to-face, will be so much more and so much different than what experience showed me in the past.

Intimacy is so much more than just sex

Maybe it is because I have tasted everything it is not supposed to be:

“The cravings of the self-life are obvious: Sexual immorality, lustful thoughts, pornography, chasing after things instead of God, manipulating others, hatred of those who get in your way, senseless arguments, resentment when others are favored, temper tantrums, angry quarrels, only thinking of yourself, being in love with your own opinions, being envious of the blessings of others, murder, uncontrolled addictions, wild parties, and all other similar behaviour”. Haven’t I already warned you that those who use their “freedom” for these things will not inherit the kingdom realm of God!”  (Galatians 5:19-21 The Passion Translation)

“Make no mistake about it, God will never be mocked! For what you plant will always be the very thing you harvest.  The harvest you reap reveals the seed that was planted. If you plant the corrupt seeds of self - life into this natural realm, you can expect to experience a harvest of corruption. If you plant the good seeds of Spirit-life you will reap the beautiful fruits that grow from the everlasting life of the Spirit”. Galatians 6:7-8 The Passion Translation (TPT)

Intimacy with man left me with so much fear.  It was an extremely painful experience.  It was extremely painful to be neglected except to fulfil someone’s bended sexual desires.  When you have fear, it is impossible to give or receive love. 

When you have been with a man who has not seen God yet, “face-to-face”, in search of intimacy, it simply becomes sex.  You become an object; a piece of property.  It only serves as a manner to fulfill the lust of the flesh. It leaves you completely empty, it only last a while and sometimes it just feels like you have just been raped; and you end up sitting in the corner of the shower, sobbing, because even though your try so hard to scrub the memory from your body, you just realize that it is just impossible to scrub it out of your broken soul.

Intimacy is so much more ...

True intimacy flows from Love

“The Aramaic word for love is hooba, and it is a homonym that also means “to set on fire.” It is difficult to fully express the meaning of this word and translate it into English. You could say the Aramaic concept is “burning love” or “fiery love,” coming from the inner depths of the heart as an eternal energy, an active power of bonding hearts and lives in secure relationships. The Greek word is agapē, which describes the highest form of love. It is the love God has for his people. It is an intense affection that must be demonstrated. It is a loyal, endless, and unconditional commitment of love. Feelings are attached to this love. It is not abstract, but devoted to demonstrating the inward feelings of love toward another with acts of kindness and benevolence”. (Notes from The Passion Translation).

“Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance.  Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up”.  (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 The Passion Translation)

Perfect Love

“Love never stops loving. It extends beyond the gift of prophecy, which eventually fades away. It is more enduring than tongues, which will one day fall silent. Love remains long after words of knowledge are forgotten. Our present knowledge and our prophecies are but partial, but when love’s perfection arrives, the partial will fade away. When I was a child, I spoke about childish matters, for I saw things like a child and reasoned like a child. But the day came when I matured, and I set aside my childish ways”.

“For now we see but a faint reflection of riddles and mysteries as though reflected in a mirror, but one day we will see face-to-face. My understanding is incomplete now, but one day I will understand everything, just as everything about me has been fully understood.  Until then, there are three things that remain: faith, hope, and love—yet love surpasses them all. So above all else, let love be the beautiful prize for which you run”.  (1 Corinthians 13:8-13 The Passion Translation)

Grateful

I am extremely grateful to be on this beautiful journey with God.  I will never look for this in man again.  I am also extremely grateful to rather be single, experiencing His Love and Intimacy rather, than being in an unhappy marriage.  Looking back, I am extremely grateful for God’s protection, for keeping doors closed that was not supposed to open. I am extremely grateful to be happily single.  Intimacy with Him is so sweet. Intimacy with Him healed me.  I love Him with every cell in my body. I am consumed by His love for me.  Today I am just completely wacked by His love.  I love how He knows me so well, knowing that only He could heal me - that is why He often love me in the shower and He replaced my painful shower memories with memories of His perfect Love - a Love that cast out ALL fear.