Pressured, but not crushed - Laetitia Zeeman

It is “that time of the year” again; December holiday season.  Every year, after every December school holiday season, I say to myself:  

“You made it! Next year will be easier”.

Have you ever been lonely?  Have you ever been so lonely that it almost feels like something is ripping and eating you from the inside?

Being a single mother for two sons I know many lonely December holidays.  I spend many school holidays and Christmas days, all by myself.  Not only did my sons spend every second December school holiday and Christmas with their dad, but there were also many times, when they were supposed to spend their holiday and Christmas with me, but I just never had the heart to say “No”, when they got the opportunity to go on a “all expenses paid holiday” with their friends, over the holiday/Christmas season.

Yup!  This is only one of the many sad wonders of single parenthood.

Paul says:  “Though we experience every kind of pressure, we’re not crushed. At times we don’t know what to do, but quitting is not an option”.  (2 Corinthians 4:8 The Passion Translation).

Yesterday, the “same old” feeling of “loneliness” came knocking on my door.  So, I said to Loneliness:  “Hello darkness my old friend … you are not welcome here.  I am most definitely not going to entertain you.  You might as well just pack up your bags and leave.  Don’t even bother to unpack.  Just leave”.

Out with the Old, In with the New

This morning, waking up, I immediately start making a list of ten things I am grateful for:

1. I AM LOVED.  God loves me unconditionally.  There is nothing I have to do for Him to love me more.
2. I have two amazing sons and also an amazing brand new daughter; my eldest recently got married.
3. I still have my parents.
4. I live in the most beautiful place in South Africa; Reebok (Mossel Bay, Western Cape).  If money was not an option and I could choose any place in South Africa to stay, I will simply end up here again.  I am really blessed.
5. I am healthy.
6. I have food in my house.
7. I have a roof over my head.
8. I have electricity; most of the times.
9. I have running water in my house.
10. I have beautiful friends.

The amazing thing is, the moment you start focusing on the “do have’s” and not the “don’t have’s”, you immediately feel different and the moment you start with your gratitude list, it is always much longer than only ten. 

Another amazing thing is that “feelings” come and go.  You just don’t have to "entertain" them.  Take notice of them, and then release it ... let it go .... 

Stay in the “Now”

Next thing I did was to decide to be good to myself.  

What make me happy?  My “love language” is “quality time”.  So, I decided to “dress up”, as if I’m going on a “date”.  I really took time to get ready.  I washed and blow-waved my hair.  I put on my best perfume, make-up, jewellery, the whole works.

Next thing I did, was asking myself:  “How can I make someone else’s life better today?”

So I first checked-up on a friend whose husband recently was in a terrible bicycle accident.

Next thing I did, was asking myself:  “Who might be lonely?  Who else might need some quality time today?”  

So I send my parents a message, asking them to meet me for coffee.  Whenever I am with someone else, I sit and I listen.  Not only do I listen, but I make eye contact.  I don’t attend to my cell phone.  I am completely focused on the person sitting opposite me.  I take in every single thing about the other person, to later have a beautiful memory. I make a mental note of their eyes, their facial expressions, the smell in the coffee shop, the "feel good" emotion. Every time I spend time with my parents, I spend it as if it is my last time, because although I refuse to live in fear, one never knows for sure; it might be the last time.

I will rather give myself now, pour myself into them than later sit with regrets.

When we said our goodbyes, I kissed and hugged them and said:  “Please promise me you will never ever leave me.  Please promise me you will live forever and ever and beyond”.  

But they simply smiled at me; not making any promises they know they can’t keep.

When they left, I went to the beach.  I admired God’s creation, the beautiful ocean.

I saw the happy families on the beach, felt the pain in my heart and simply gave it to God … I noticed them, allow myself to feel them, but then released them ...

Pressured, but not crushed.

Laetitia Zeeman