Lockdown with God - Laetitia Zeeman

On day 40 of the lock down, exactly day 40, I reached my limit and lost it.  I just lost it.  

For 40 days I have been strong, trying to make everyone else feeling better, encouraging others via Facebook, WhatsApp and phone calls.  I even did some counselling on WhatsApp.  Being completely alone, all by myself in quarantine without a hubby, child, cat, dog, parrot or even a gold fish, I needed something to make me feel better and in an attempt to make myself feel better, I had a whole packet of chips.

Needless to say, it didn’t accomplish what I had in mind.  It actually made things worse; much worse.

I didn’t feel better at all.  It was only good while doing it – the experience only lasted a while and then the guilt came and because my body is not used to eating junk food anymore I really didn’t feel good at all.

Why did I even do it?  I gave into my flesh and instead of feeding my spirit I fed my flesh.

I was frustrated and sad:

Buying a Diary or Planner for 2020 was a complete waste of money.

I had so many plans.

My son is getting married in Pretoria on the 4 July 2020.

At this stage, I am not allowed to travel to another province.

At level 4, they can’t even get married.

I already decided on a dress for the wedding but someone still needs to make it.

I was busy planning a conference in Pretoria for 11 July 2020.

My plane ticket was booked.

Then suddenly everything changed.

Having a relationship with God and being led by the Holy Spirit it all started out well.

I was actually excited – looking forward to have some alone time with God.

Being single “again” for 14 years I thought I’m used to being alone by now.

At our last women's hub meeting, before the lock down, I was actually the one saying:

“I’m so looking forward to this because at the end of the quarantine, you will not recognize me anymore because I will be transformed, into Christ”.

"I'm not locked down, but hidden and set apart". 

For my birthday on 25 April I shared my own video on Facebook – I blessed my family and friends with a live laughing therapy session.

But on day 40, I lost it.  I had a packet of chips.

Yesterday I just spend a lot of time crying – crying about shattered dreams.

I can also relate to my soon to be daughter in law, her excitement, getting married, her beautiful dress ready, looking forward to her wedding day.  My son is her first relationship with someone from the opposite gender.  My heart just ached for her as well.

I also cried for my son because when my sons were still boys and got hurt, I could pick them up, sat with them on my lap, kiss the pain away and sometimes using a plaster even made it better.  Now both my sons are full grown men; adults.  We don’t even live in the same province anymore and when they get hurt, although the pain in my heart is still exactly the same, I just can’t fix their pain anymore.

Last night, in my sleep, God ministered to me.

I woke up this morning and He told me to rather lean into Him, inside me.

He reminded me about 1 Kings 6:7 NKJV

“And the temple, when it was being built, was built with stone finished at the quarry, so that no hammer and chisel or any iron tool was heard in the temple while it was being built.

The temple was built in silence.  The sounds of any iron tools at the building site were absolutely forbidden.  The stones and timber had to be made to fit with precision many miles away and once they were brought to the temple site, no pieces could be chipped of to make them fit.

All this work, on each and every stone and timber happened while these pieces were in isolation.

That is what God is busy doing:

According to the Passion Translation in Luke 17:20 when Jesus was asked by the Jewish religious leaders, when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus responded:

“God’s kingdom realm does not come simply by obeying principles or by waiting for signs.  The kingdom is not discovered in one place or another; for God’s kingdom realm is already expanding within some of you”.

In Ephesians 2:20-22 the Passion Translation says:

“You are rising like the perfectly fitted stones of the temple; and your lives are being built up together upon the ideal foundation laid by apostles and prophets, and best of all, you are connected to the Head Cornerstone of the building, the Anointed One, Jesus Christ himself!”  This entire building is under construction and is continually growing under his supervision until it rises up completed as the holy temple of the Lord himself.  This means that God is transforming each one of you into the Holy of Holies, his dwelling place, through the power of the Holy Spirit living in you!”

Romans 12:2 Passion Translation

“Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think.  This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes”.

In other words:

If you are sounding just like the world in your opinions and utterances, you are not sounding like God.

Decide today to lockdown with God, lock yourself in the presence of the Lord, be hidden in Him, set apart and allow Him to build into you; to accomplish whatever is needed for His design and purpose.

May you have a wonderful blessed day, hidden in Him, locked down with God.

Laetitia Zeeman